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and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.
We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.
What's more sexy than finding sex on a sex-free app? We support our prior statement that "Luxy is a dating app for giant rich douches," but we generally hope that everyone on Luxy loses all their money in a Ponzi scheme. You're set up on a foursome with a friend and two anonymous people and are told to go into a restaurant until sparks fly. Grindr actually predates Tinder by three years and absolutely nailed the dating game by simply giving people what they want: nearby folks who want to take the scenic route to the bone zone.
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Ok Cupid became less of a hookup app and more of a—ew—relationship app.
Oh yes: "Get it girl, get it get it get it, girl." A dating app that allows people to meet based on their intellectual capacities rather than their looks! But, you know what happens when two smart people meet?
We say yes to a very few - limiting it to locales that are at once casually hip and romantically inspiring. As a reporter for LA Talk said, “ I walked through the venue without even noticing the tables of daters; Speed LA events are so chic and low key you might just walk right by.” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Much like a private club, not every dater is for us.
